Red vs Blue: Gears of War
by Ron the True Fan
Summary: A few weeks into Season 5, The Blood Gulchers are sent to Sera. The Locust Horde should start saying their prayers.


Red vs Blue: Gears of War

Church cocked his SRS-99D.

Although he knew he would miss, a few rounds near Kaikaina 'Sister' Grif and Doc might make them stop being stupid.

"Get out of the grav lifts!"

He fired, and actually hit Kaikaina's left breast.

"OW!"

"Just so you know, I wasn't aiming. That was a no-scope."

Tucker pulled her out of the lift and Doc patched her up.

"Are you telling me that when you're you're not aiming, you can hit things?"

"Apparently."

The base started shaking, and everyone covered Kaikaina.

After all, she still had a hole in her armor.

Doc was medically concerned, Tucker wanted to grope her, Caboose was knocked over and Church tripped.

"What in the name of fuck was that?"

"An earthquake, dumbass."

Red Base: Blood Gulch Outpost 1

"What the fuck was that?"

"The Blues didn't cause it! Unless your sister getting shot causes earthquakes."

"Hell no. Wait, WHAT?"

Grif ran to the Warthog.

"They've got a tank!"

Sarge and Donut joined him.

Simmons hijacked the Ghost and followed his fellow Reds. "Hey, Blues! What the hell was that?"

"Earthquake, dumbass!"

"You shot my sister!"

"I wasn't _aiming_ at her!"

Grif hopped out and took aim with a Battle Rifle.

One three round burst hit Church in the chest, knocking him down.

"What the fuck?"

"You shot my sister with a .50 caliber bullet! Three 9.5mm bullets is nothing!"

"You know, Church, he's right. If he shot Tex, you'd be screaming bloody murder. It's fair game."

"Doc! Patch me up!"

He left his body to talk to the Reds.

But things were about to go to hell.

Unknown location, unknown universe

Marcus Fenix, now a Private in the Coalition of Ordered Governments Armed Forces, was looking at a hole in the ground.

A hole that Locust were not coming out of.

"What the hell is that hole still doing open, Private?"

"Tossed a frag in, and it didn't close."

Kim tossed in a grenade, and again, no closure.

"New kind of E-Hole."

"No Grubs came out, Lieutenant."

Then the ground shook.

"Ah, shit!"

Blood Gulch

After a major pissing and shooting fest, the ground shook.

Grif dug up a box full of ammo of all kinds: 7.62, 9.5, .50s for the pistol and sniper rifle, 8mms, and 40mm rockets.

"How the hell did you dig that up?"

"Just because I'm lazy doesn't mean I can't do any work! I just don't like to!"

"God, not again!"

The ground under their feet caved in, and they fell through.

"Fuck!"

The Warthog, Scorpion tank and Ghost fell with them, straight into the abyss.

"Son of a Bitch!"

"Son of a Bitch!"

"Son of a Bitch!"

Street between the House of Sovereigns and Tomb of the Unknowns

"Ah, shit!"

The hole widened, and spat out 8 multi-colored people in body armor.

8 'ows' and 'son of a bitches' later, three vehicles landed nearby.

After 12 more 'Son of a Bitches', they got up.

The Red one pointed a shotgun at Kim while the Cobalt pointed a Sniper Rifle at Fenix. (As he was the bigger threat.)

"Who the hell are you?"

"Marcus Fenix, Coalition of Ordered Governments Armed Forces. You?"

"Private Leonard Church, Blue Army. That guy's Sarge, Red Army."

Then a King Raven came in.

"Ah, fuck. Don't worry, I wasn't going to shoot. Everyone I meet wants to kill me."

"I know the feeling. Nice tank."

Then a Nemacyst hit the KR, forcing Delta-1 to run into cover.

Kim was separated from the rest of Delta and thus was ambushed by Marcus' least favorite Grub: RAAM.

That bastard had fucked with Marcus one time too many.

The Reds and Blues were with what was left of Alpha and Delta, and RAAM was closing in on Kim.

RAAM proceeded to beat the shit out of Kim, then kicked his Lancer Assault Rifle away, hitting the Yellow on the head.

"OW! FUCK!"

She picked it up and (as she lacked anything but a fucking .50 cal pistol) opened fire with it.

RAAM impaled the Lieutenant, and Marcus prepared to charge.

"No! We're here for Alpha and the Resonator!"

They ran into the Tombs of the Unknowns, and one more member of Alpha was killed in the process.

Sarge sealed the door, and the Blood Gulchers looked at Delta and the three remaining members of Alpha.

"Welcome to the COG Army, people: shitload of enemies, not enough time to relax."

A loud scream pierced the Tomb.

"Shut up! A Berserker...that bitch can hear us...she can smell us."

The last Alpha grunt got spooked and ran.

Right into the Berserker.

"Control, this is Delta. We have a Berserker in the Tomb."

"_Don't move, Delta! Weapons fire won't hurt it_!"

Tucker pulled out a Spartan Laser.

"HEY, BITCH!"

Everyone moved away from Tucker.

The Berserker turned a corner and was met with a Spartan Laser shot to the face.

"Now, that's how you kill one of those motherfuckers!"

"Control, it seems our new friends have badass toys."

"_The B__erserker's dead? Damn. You're to deploy your Resonator at the Lethia Imulsion Facility_."

"Roger. We're clear for Ravens."

"_Negative; Nemacyst are keeping our birds out of the air. And you're in charge, Sergeant Fenix_."

"Staff or Major?"

"Staff."

"In terms of combat experience, Sarge outranks you."

Simmons and Sarge looked at Grif.

"What? The devil you know."

Outside the Tomb of the Unknowns

Grif hopped into the Warthog.

"Still works."

Caboose hopped into the Scorpion.

"So does Sheila."

"You _named_ the tank?"

"Shelia's the AI _in_ the tank. Caboose still can't tell the difference."

"And the Motorcycle still works!"

"It's a Covenant Ghost, Donut!"

Marcus kicked Donut off and hijacked the Ghost.

"Sweet."

"What the hell?"

"Mine now. Ride with the Reds."

"Fuck you! Donut's gay!"

"I am not!"

"You act like a gay man, but don't worry; I blame it on the armor. Pink as a-"

"IT'S NOT PINK!"

Dom looked at the armor.

"Pink."

"Pink."

"Damn, you're pink!"

Grif even pulled up a color book.

"Yep, you're pink."

Donut looked at it.

"Ah, fuck."

"We'll repaint your armor later: a nice dark color."

Donut grumbled and sat on the back of the Warthog. Delta hopped onto the tank, and Doc stayed with the tank.

"Alright, where's the fucking wherever we're going?"

Marcus took the lead.

"Ok, then."

2 hours later

"We need to get out of here; the Kryll are going to pop up soon."

"Kryll?"

"Yeah, flying killing machines."

"And they hate light."

Grif switched on the Warthog's floodlights.

"Better?"

"Much."

"Control, this is Delta. We're on our way to the Lethia Imulsion Facility."

"_Copy that, Marcus. Get there as soon as possible. You don't want to be there when the Kryll come back_."

"Lady, we're wearing advanced armor with energy shields! There is no way in hell anything's going to hurt us!"

"Shut up, Grif."

"GRIND!"

"Grinder!"

The Boomer subtype known as the Grinder opened fire, and Simmons returned fire with 14.5mm rounds spewing from the LAAG.

"Nice!"

Marcus boosted, and outran the bullets.

"Awesome!"

"Not really. The best part is that thing's got plasma guns!"

Marcus overheard that and found the trigger. He found a Locust to shoot and he fire a good, long burst.

Roasted Grub, anyone?

"Sweet."

"We are so looking into making that later."

"Damn straight!"

The sun set, and thousands of Kryll swarmed out. Like Baird said, the lights kept them away.

"Alright, we're a few hours from the facility. Keep an eye out for assholes armed with sniper rifles."

A round from a Longshot bounced off Simmons' helmet.

"Like that?"

He found the sniper's foxhole and gave him a long burst from the M41.

"Wow! Now that's a bloody mist!"

Literally: there was nothing left but a mist.

Jacinto

"Marcus, you and your team are nearing the Imulsion facility. Any problems?"

"_Hell no! These guys from-Where's you say you were from?-Blood Gulch are fucking awesome_!"

"I was asking _Marcus;_ not _you_, Cole."

"_What Cole just said is the truth. These guys do shit that just isn't possible_."

"Like?"

"_The chick in the black armor, Tex? She rips out your spine and chokes you to death with it_!"

"_And another way she kills you? Ripping your skull out and beating you to death with it_!"

"That's not physically possible."

"_Really? We've got it all on tape!_"

"I don't _want_ to see it."

"_And these guys are hard as all hell to kill! Shields or not, nothing can kill them! Simmons took a round to the _head!"

Anya heard screaming, and was about to ask when Sarge started yelling, and I quote, "_We're Red Army, assholes_!"

(Sound of a Shotgun being fired)

"_Nothing stands in our way_!"

"And they're clearly insane."

"_Can't hate them, though_."

Another explosion.

"What the hell are you people doing?"

"_Kicking ass_!"

Then music started playing through the radio.

"What the hell is that music?" (AN: You know I'll milk that joke)

She didn't know what the hell they were doing, but if they got Marcus killed, they would soon follow.

Pissing off Tex and Anya would be their end, as Anya was dating Marcus and Tex...You know.

Lethia Imulsion Facility: sometime near 2300 hours

"So, how the hell are we going to get in?"

"_Firing Main Cannon_."

The 90mm round ripped through the main enterance, and Delta were kind of scared that an idiot like Caboose was the only one that could use a fucking tank.

"Ok. Let's get inside before tank lady kills me _again_."

"Wait a second...What?"

Act 1: Done. Act 2: Thanks to the Warthog, Scorpion and Ghost, not needed.

This is a tuned-up re-write of the first Gears/RvB crossover written by hobofragr, and mostly told by the Gears and RvB crew's POVs, as the Locust seem a bet too stupid and job-focused to have a proper conversation.

And this story will include GOW 3, as it's not likely at all that I'll finish this by the end of the summer. After all, I need intel on Gears of War and Red vs Blue. The former's easy; RvB keeps changing on me.

But, as always, I'll make due.

After this, I'll try my hand on RvB/Mass Effect; God knows I'm getting the GOW3 Xbox 360 and I'm getting Mass Effect 1 and 2 once I do.

Until then, Loki's Fall, Reds and Blues of the Old Republic II and Hero's comeback should keep me busy.

Next Time on Red vs Blue: Gears of War: Delta and the Blood Gulchers make their way deeper into the Facility, and discover that Wrenches aren't the only things that explode.

Ja Ne!


End file.
